nothazellevesque:

early criminal minds (seasons 1-5) is so fucking funny if you think about it from the perspective of literally anyone that the BAU interacts with outside of each other. to recap what’s going on, let’s go over the team. We’ve got:

Elle Greenaway- murderous bitch who maybe murdered someone in cold blood (claimed self defense but who can prove that?)

Spencer Reid- a genius with both mommy and daddy issues who looks like a fourteen year old TA and does magic tricks whilst, at some points, zooted off his ass on dilaudid

Jason Gideon- man who screams at crime scenes and lays down in blood stains

Derek Morgan- calls their tech analyst like “ugh mommy shove that nice hot information down my throat”

Penelope Garcia- the aforementioned Information Mommy, who talks to the team (specifically morgan) like a phone sex operator trying to make enough to cover rent

Jennifer Jareau- bubbly blonde woman who yells at TV reporters and kicks ass

David Rossi- rich, elderly, famous crime novelist who DEFINITELY should be retired

Emily Prentiss- goth lesbian who DEFINITELY has cursed folks out in one of the many languages she knows

Aaron Hotchner- tired workaholic man, trying his best to hold this shitshow together, also beat a man to death

like, can you IMAGINE??? it’s the worst week of your life. Some madman is running around, i don’t know, killing folks and cutting off their nipples or something, and this absolute clown brigade rolls up like “ah yes, just another Tuesday for us lmao” and start asking you questions about what kind of dirt this murderer had stuck to his shoes, and then they SOLVE THE CASE???? what the fuck must you be thinking at that point

(via eideticmemory)

aaamike:

image

5 inches from death’s embrace and he wakes up just to tell the everyone to shut the fuck up.

literalnobody:

Nothing is funnier to me than Mr Darcy telling his best friend not to propose to the girl he loves bc 1. Her family are unsuitable and 2. She doesn’t truly like him enough to marry… only to then himself propose to a woman who is 1. From the exact same family and 2. Has done nothing but roast him since they met

(via ebondeath)

tread over the contours of you and me

pain-somnia:

fandom: naruto
pairing: sasusaku
rating: M (here is your nsfr warning as it contains smut. the first part of this is safe but letting you all know now so that you may remain halal; i’m posting this during a time for me it would be but i know some people are not able to)
Day’s notes: hello! this fic was written for a giveaway winner that is also a patron of mine. the giveaway was for non patrons to be able to win a chance to receive some exclusive PDFs or a patron to select a prompt. it’s been a really long time since i received the prompt but i wasn’t in the right health and only recently was able to give it proper attention. the winner has encouraged me to share this with everyone so here it is a couple of weeks after patrons received their early access to it. It falls into my blank period au series of fics. you can find some of them in this link. it contains one of the oneshots and also links to other one shots. another one-shot that fits with this one is my fic It Started With Rain which actually happened to be commissioned like a year ago by the winner and can be found in all of my fic sites.
I hope you enjoy 😊

tread over the contours of you and me

Sakura sighed and rolled her neck. She cupped her shoulders at the base of her nape and pulsed a bit of healing chakra.

She was spending too many evenings at her desk looking over the data for the children in the institute. The caregivers were very thorough with their reports and while that relieved her it was also more work for her to get through every day.

It was only a year and a half since she had opened up the institute and while she was no longer in the experimental stage of the program, everything could still be hectic. The hardest part had been finding the caregivers and doctors for the children—people that understood that they weren’t treating soldiers.

The research and paperwork that she had poured over had been atrociously lacking, not only for children but adults as well. It was disgustingly obvious that the only insight to mental health that Konoha had was in the use of torture and interrogation. With Ino’s help, the two of them picked apart all of the data until they could find anything useful.

Luck was on Sakura’s side that the Yamanaka clan already had an understanding of how the mind operated. Due to the nature of their family jutsu and the young age of which their shinobi clansmen trained, there was a foundation she had to work with.

Speaking of the Yamanaka family jutsu, Ino was insistently sending her messages to go home. Her voice wheedled in Sakura’s mind and nagged at her.

A hot bath, warm food, and her bed sounded lovely. She knew that all she needed was to head home and her mom would have all three ready for her.

Locking the stacks of unfinished documents into a cabinet, Sakura began her nightly clean up routine. For the past year she used to stay holed up in her office until everything was completed but due to the person sleeping on her office’s couch at the moment, Sakura had stopped working overnight.

Stifling a giggle, Sakura crouched down on her toes and brushed Sasuke’s hair out of his face. He had grown out his forelocks into bangs that fell over his rinnegan and while the look suited him, sometimes she missed seeing his face in full.

Sasuke had taken to sleeping in her office, complaining that there was always some sort of disturbance at his apartment. She had teased him about it, stating that he just missed her. He hadn’t replied to her verbally, but chose to show her how much he missed her once they got back to his apartment.

Blinking his eyes, Sasuke woke up the second time Sakura ran her fingers through his hair. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards and he sat up, pulling his legs back from over the arm of the loveseat.

“Are you going to walk me home, Sasuke-kun?” Sakura asked, continuing to run her fingers along his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.

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Anonymous asked:

fic propmt for ss- Sasuke going through emo phase, Sakura bubble gum pop who are neighbors and are annoyed by each other’s taste in music

grimmjowkurosakidrake Answer:

Look at me answering fics prompts months after, I’m the worst I know! XD

This fic is a songfic inspired by A*Teens’ A perfect match! I know the ask was about Sasuke’s emo phase and you were expecting a little bit more Fall out boy than Dir en Grey but deal with me, my emo phase was my visual kei phase so I don’t know much about western emo music. Also, both Sasuke and Sakura are Japanese xD!

Well, without further ado, the fic:}

Perfect Match

Your family says that it’s just a phase, the fact that you like to wear dark colors on your clothes and you listen to angry music because that is what boys your age do and there’s nothing to worry about.

They don’t like to talk about the anger and the sadness you feel. You’re twenty and already in collage. You don’t think this is a phase anymore, now you’re just angry.

They don’t like to talk about how you’re a lot more sensitive than your brother and how you’re not all that much interested in becoming a lawyer just like him.

You are the second son of a rich family that never had to struggle for anything, you have absolutely nothing to be sad or angry about, or at least, that’s what they think.

But even with all the money they have you still had to sell your TV and your music system just to buy tickets for a “The Gazette” concert back in 2009 and even thought they can totally afford for suits you don’t want and private tutors you don’t need, you still had to sell your car and work for four months just to travel to Seoul and get tickets for the “Metallica” and “Baby metal” concert hosted there this year.

It was a great experience, it made you happy beyond belief, but that happiness you experienced, those feelings that for once weren’t depressing and anxiety-infusing, weren’t enough for your family.

Maybe that’s why you’re angry.

You’re angry when you arrive at your street on the buss, alone, because no one would come and see you at the airport and you’re definitely angry when your find Sakura, your childhood neighbor, dancing to fucking Reol’s “Give me a break” on her brand new music system that her mom bought her last month just so she could go and spend the money she makes on the Maid Caffe she works part-time on her mindless clothes and accessories.

She looks cute, you have to admit, with her too short, hot pink shorts and her Harajuku style black crop top with a Kabuki mask printed on it. She’s wearing the pink pearl collar you saw her buy a few days after your trip and you just know that the eyes of those stupid cat earrings she’s wearing are actually real diamonds.

It angers you how she can spend her money on making herself look how she wants to look so easily when you can’t even buy a pair of ripped, black jeans with all the money your father makes.

So, you lash at her “Could you shut up with that shit, please?” You ask her from across your own lawn, “I don’t want to listen to your garbage today.” She glares at you, her green eyes accentuated by her cat eye makeup, and then she turns up the music.

She’s a fierce girl Haruno Sakura.

———————————–

You find yourself obliged to talk to her again when your parents invite hers to a late dinner on your house.

They force you to take her to your room and warn you with a tight lipped “behave yourself or else…” that makes you wonder what else could they take away from you now that you don’t even have a car.

She makes herself comfortable on your bed as you turn on your computer and My Chemical Romance’s Teenagers starts rolling through the music list. She makes an annoyed face at your choice in music but doesn’t say anything.

It’s your room, your rules, after all. And she’s smart enough to acknowledge this universal rule.

She’s wearing nicer clothes today. An all-black assemble consisting of a lite crop top only covering her small breasts paired with a big black bomber jacket and loose black, dress pants with a cute bow on top. Even when you couldn’t care less about clothes and fashion you think she looks insanely good tonight and you can’t take your eyes off her.

“You like my outfit?” She asks with a smirk when she notices your intense gaze on her.

“Yeah…” You answer, sitting by her legs on your bed.

“It’s by Yohji Yamamoto’s summer collection!” Beams Sakura, “You would think that with this level of minimalism it would be from a European designer you know?”

Whatever she says it sounds like a question, and even when you don’t know of what she’s talking about you mumble a small “Sure” as you come closer to her.

She smiles, “but no, it’s one of our own!” Giggles Sakura with clear excitement in her voice “We really do have to start appreciating our own artists more.”

“That sure is interesting,” You answer, so near her face that you can feel her warm breath against yours.

You really want to kiss her.

She’s beautiful, awful taste on music and all, she’s always happy and cute, more than anything. Happy like you never are, always optimistic and irreverent like her music and her clothes so kissing her red-looking lips that never stop smiling it’s all you can think about.

She kisses you first, the sweet taste of her lips on your own and the feeling of her petite arms around your neck making you feel like never before.

“I didn’t know you were interested in art,” she comments as she ends the kiss.

“I’m not,” you smirk, “But South Park says you can get a girl by faking interest in her and they’re not wrong.”

Sakura doesn’t hit you or screams, she just pushes you away, takes off her jacket and takes a copy of The Mist from your bookshelf to read in silence. You are able to see the expanse of her pristine, beautiful back and the beautiful Sakura tree branch tattoo that adorns her right arm and collarbone the whole night until she eventually leaves with her parents.

But you’re not allowed to touch and that is punishment enough.

———————————–

You invite her to see a horror movie a few days later and she accepts, Sakura seems to hate the movie the whole time but the way she blushes when you put your arm around her shoulders makes you think she may be enjoying herself anyway.

You don’t understand until she invites you to an art gallery for a friend of hers whose work is being accepted that you finally understand the appeal of doing things you hate just for the person you like.

Her friends are boring and snobbish, but she’s wearing a form fitting red dress with her back bare and she allows you to rest your hand there the whole night.

You’re allowed to kiss her anywhere and everyone just knows that she’s yours and you’re hers by principle of her the closeness you share.

When you discover that you both want to go to a 2000s bands tribute after the party and she shows you the blue leather skirt she’s going to change into, you discover that maybe you’re not all that different.

———————————–

Her clothes are always styled to look the way she likes them. Be it cute or sexy or that delicious combination of both that you like so much on her. With her short, pink skirts and her long, boyfriend t-shirts.

Her family is a very progressive one and they don’t mind how much skin she shows off or the art she has on her skin.

Everything is pristine on her, even her few tattoos, because she planed and wanted those changes on her.

But the holes on your pants are messy and not at all how you want them to look. You had to cut them yourself after all and you’re shit with anything that has to do with clothes, you don’t know about fabric and you always end up cutting where you should not.

This all ends when you start dating Sakura.

This time you’re in her room, listening to freaking Grease’s You’re the one that I want (and not saying anything because her room her rules, after all), as she carefully cuts holes on your jeans.

She looks happy to do so, because she loves clothes and spicing them up, she even buys a few skull patches to sew on the pockets and those small details make you happy just like the concerts and music make you happy.

You kiss her deeply when you go to your own house by night and she winks at you from across her window as Marina and the Diamonds’ Bubblegum bitch blasts through her music system.

As your parents who always thought of her as the nice girl from across your lawn frown at the lyrics of the singer crying “I’m gonna be your bubblegum bitch!”, you can’t help but think that she’s a perfect match for you.


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